Posted by Emily on September 30, 1998 at 21:15:37:
In Reply to: Re: Self worth and infidelity posted by Theresa on September 30, 1998 at 09:06:22:
T,
Stong maybe on the outside but very cluttered and confused on the inside. All my life people have always remarked that I was "strong". But they don't see me cry for hours in the shower when I'm alone. It's like I afraid to let my guard down and let anyone know I can't handle something. I guess that is one reason that I don't go to counceling. Although the main reason is that my job is just too demanding. It requires me to work 6 days a week and then 7 days every other week. I am doing all I can to keep up with the housework and spend a little quality time with my family. I am searching now to try to find a new job. Hopefully, I will find something soon and then be able to talk to someone. At the very least I am going to try to find some kind of weekend retreat that we can go to and work on some relationship skills. Do you have any suggestions? As for the housework my husband has suggested a maid to help but that makes me feel even more like I am not being the wife I am suppose to be. As you can tell I have a problem asking for help. I have always been the helper and I don't give up that role very easily. I know that I have a lot of unresolved issues but I just don't have the time to deal with them now.
My anniversary is comming up this weekend and since he has confessed to me - this date doesn't mean what it used to anymore. In a way I almost dread it. Because when I look back at the past - It brings the hurt to the surface again. Maybe it's a good thing that I have to work - but it only adds to my feelings of inadequacy.
You know they don't teach you how to deal with these types of problems in high school or college. I have a masters degree and I feel like the class dunce. Believe it or not - many of my friends and his would ask OUR advise on relationship problems. Boy was I arrogant to think that I could help them. I couldn't even see the mess my own household was in.
Thanks for taking the time to listen. Don't get to down in the dumps when he's gone. I always try to let my husband know now when I am going to be in a "dis-trustful" type mood. I'll tell him "you know I am going to have a problem dealing with this. Would you please try to do things to reassure me and help me thru it". He usually is able to just say a few words or make some extra phone calls - make me laugh and it helps. I find that left alone with my imagination is fare worse than reality. He really is a good guy - he just did some awful things. I guess maybe if he wasn't so wonderful we wouldn't be having this conversation and the rest of the women would have left him alone.
I hope you were able to keep up with your busy life. I make lists and use and organizer - but I could still use lots of help. What I really have a problem doing is balancing the things I want to do like (spending time with family, church activities) with the ones I don't (like working, housework). I wish that I could find some way of combining some tasks.
Talk to you soon. Thanks alot T.
Emily