Posted by Theresa on October 06, 1998 at 17:53:52:
In Reply to: Re: Self worth and infidelity posted by Emily on September 30, 1998 at 21:15:37:
Dear Emily:
How did your anniversary go? Did you go out or stay in?
How are you guys getting along? Yes, I knew exactly what you
meant when you said that some things (like anniversaries)
don't mean as much as they used to. I feel like that to.
It has been almost seven months since I found out and yes,
the pain has gotten a lot less intense. But my heart will
never be the same. There is a pain/wound there that only
the Lord will someday be able to take away. And what a day
that will be. My husband can never totally repair the
damage that was done. But with time, the pain lessens to a
point that it becomes bearable and you can actually have
moments when you feel happy again.....like you used to.
Even though this has happened to you, don't be so hard on
yourself about helping other friends with their problems.
Just because you weren't aware of what was going on in your
marriage, doesn't mean you have no ability to help others.
It would be similar to this. Say, my marriage counselor
discovered that her husband was having an affair. Does that
mean she is no longer qualified to help me? Absolutely, not!
None of us are perfect but we can have moments when our advice
is right on the money for someone else. You have a lot to offer
to friends.....even though your life may not be perfect. If only
perfect people could give advice/be a friend....all of us would be
friendless.
Speaking of good advice....what you said about being honest and blunt
with your husband when you are in a "distrustful" mood, was good advice.
I think I sometimes hate to talk about the feelings inside me, since it
involves so much pain and fear. I also hate to admit that I have these
feelings. I wish I could just be strong and act as if it just doesn't
matter if he cheats again. But it does matter. If he cheats again, he
loses me, and if he loses me, we lose the "family" we have. Split families
are no fun and all I see for the most part is a lot of heart ache. I hope
we don't end up split. It will definitely be his choice if he goes out
on me again. I don't think it would be healthy for me to live with someone
like that. I deserve better. And I would hope I would feel God releasing
me from a marriage like that.
Well, I better go. My husband is out of town again. I'm doing ok. Just
not a good time....you know.
Take care. Hope you have been ok.
Theresa