Posted by Theresa on September 30, 1998 at 09:06:22:
In Reply to: Re: Self worth and infidelity posted by Emily on September 29, 1998 at 21:04:37:
Dear Emily:
Thanks for your note. It sounds like you are very strong.
This is good. But please do not rely on the people you
find on the internet. These people are not professionals.
However, Rev. Doug Showalter from this site has given extremely
wonderful advice. I trust him. I am not a counselor either.
So, even what I say should not be viewed as the only solution or
as the best solution. I am here as a friend. And on the internet
please be careful. You mentioned that your husband could find
someone to talk to on the internet. Affairs can start on the internet
as well. He could strike up a friendship with a woman and this
is inappropriate. Just be careful. You suggested there were several
reasons for not seeking counseling. If and/or when you feel you need
counseling, you will seek it out. Time, having no babysitter, money, etc
all can be used as excuses not to seek out counseling. I hope and pray
that you are not using these as excuses. I pray that you are doing well
and may not need counseling. Going to counseling could help your husband stay
strong. Counseling could help him understand why he resorts to drinking when
things at work become tough, etc. etc. Counseling can make you stronger when
you have someone look objectively at your behavior, because the way you behave
is based on the way you think. If you dissect your thought patterns and discover
the insonsistencies or twisted forms of thinking, you can transform yourself and
your life. You come to understand yourself better and (here's where it is wonderful)
and to accept and appreciate yourself.
I am doing ok. I've gotten myself into a lot of activities through church and I
am not used to having this much activity in a week. My organizational skills need
help. I'm sure that when I get organized I'll be much more calm. My husband also
went out of town two days last week and now two days this week. This causes me to
withdraw, wonder (if he's cheating again), and I get rather melancholy. I don't
always think he is cheating when he's out of town. But it crosses my mind and I begin
to look for any loopholes in his conversations with me. It is maddening and I know
that this is not exactly healthy but I feel it is a way to protect myself from him
hurting me again. Me figuring out on my own, if he is cheating may not cause less pain
later but at least I'll not feel so stupid. Oh, what has happened is so hurtful. I wish
I could just forget everything and go on with my life. I know God is working in my life
and I appreciate this experience when I think about the eternal side of my soul. I know it
is for my benefit, but it is so painful right now.
I got up early and ran today and it felt so good. I felt so grateful to God for another day
and for all the blessings he has given me. I know he is sculpting me for something down the
road. It is far grander than I would pick for myself but also more scary. I know that the lessons
I learn for trusting my husband will help me put trust in the Lord. That has always been a
difficult thing for me to do (trusting in the Lord). It was always an easy thing for me to trust
my husband. Now, the opposite has taken place. I am trusting the Lord so much more (and obviously
I'm trusting my husband less.) Hopefully, over time trusting the two of them will increase threefold.
My relationship with God has changed so much and for the better through this whole mess, and that is
what I must center on. I will be with my husband for such a short time (compared to the "time" spent
in the afterlife); but, on the other hand, my soul is much more important and my trust in God is what
needs to be the strongest.
Well, I better go. I've got so much housework and chores to do. I'm getting behind and am feel so
"cluttered". Take care and God bless you! I'll be thinking of you.
Theresa