the pain of adultry

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Posted by christine on July 29, 1998 at 20:49:02:

I have loved my husband since I was 12 years old. We have been married almost 30 years. We have 3 grown children and 3 grandchildren. 18 months ago, I discovered that he had been having an "out of town" affair for over 13 years. His explanation was that this started when he worked out of town and he was "young and stupid". It continued so long because he just didn't know how to end it. He didn't want to hurt her (he says he didn't love her but she loved him) and he was equally afraid that she would make sure that I knew and his family would be destroyed. He only saw her acouple of times a year but they were in constant contact by phone and mail. He has said that he couldn't believe that she didn't dump him somewhere along the way and that he prayed that that is how this would end so I never would have to know. But now I do know and as you can imagine I am in agony. After almost eighteen months, I still hurt beyond belief. I have been to counseling but the counselors don't hide the fact very well that they think I should walk away from this marriage and start over. Maybe they are right. My husband has ended the affair and says he loves me and is willing to do whatever it takes to help me get thru this pain. I am beginning to wonder if there is an end to this pain for me. This affair went on for so long it makes me feel like much of my adult life has been a lie. There are so many triggers and so much pain. No one who has written appears to have dealt with a very long term affair. The one truth I hang on to is if he had loved her, he would have left me and started a life with her sometime in all the time that passed. I believe he loves me. But I ask the same question all the other writers ask-how could he have done this. How can the worst pain you have ever experienced be dealt by the man you loved so very much?


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