Posted by christine on August 03, 1998 at 10:30:24:
In Reply to: Re: the pain of adultry posted by Theresa on July 31, 1998 at 22:27:49:
Dear Theresa,
Thank you for responding to my posting. It does help just to know that someone has been there and cares.
My husband has done absolutely everything that he should be doing under the circumstances. Short of never having this affair in the first place, of course, he has responded in a very gentle and caring way. The problem is more mine than his. My recovery has been hindered by many things. First, I guess, is that during the last three years, many things have happened that have left me less than strong. My youngest son was in a serious car accident, my best friend died, I was injured in a fall and spent months in a wheelchair, then I found out about my husband's affair. While I was still in the shock of that knowledge, my dad died. So you can see it's been a rough few years. I try to be good to myself and he tries to be good to me but this has been a very slow road for me. In addition, the "other woman" has threatened suicide, called with snappy one liners regarding where she slept with my husband, sent flowers to our office (we own our own business and work together) for his birthday. She basically has refused to let go and that was like rubbing salt into the wound. Finally about six months ago, my husband told her he did not love her, he was sorry he hurt her but please go away. She screamed that she hated him and hung up and we haven't heard from her since. But the other real part of this pain is a fear that she could pop up again and I am really too fragile at the moment to deal with it.
I am an only child, the apple of my parents eyes. I always had great self esteem. I took on any challenge and mostly I succeeded. Now, if I didn't have somewhere to be, I think I would stay in bed so I try to keep busy to avoid that. We plan little out of town trips most weekends so we can get away and just be together. Maybe time will heal this wound. I am better than when I first found out or when "she" was still invading our lives. But after 18 months, I wish things were alittle closer to normal.
My husband and I met in church but we have drifted away. This pain has caused us to find God again in our lives. That is a definate positive in this situation. I guess a second is we have rediscovered a love and tenderness between us that I believe because of his guilt was almost lost. My counselor became more concerned about my well being than saving the marriage--I was in pretty bad shape. She told me that she thought I was a wonderful, strong person and that I would survive no matter what I decided. But she asked me why I loved this man and when she asked it I had a hard time remembering--I'm starting to remember now.
Talking like this does help. Thank you for caring.
Christine