Posted by Emily on December 23, 1998 at 03:51:41:
In Reply to: Struggeling with my faith posted by Leli on December 21, 1998 at 18:00:51:
Leli,
I'm not sure from your note what exactly happened to you but I do feel that your heart has been broken. I think you feel like your trust or faith in God has been betrayed. I felt that way when my son was stillborn. The pregnancy had been great, my life could not have seemed anymore perfect. I remember when we could not hear the heartbeat -- I prayed and was immediately comforted in thinking God would not possibly take MY child. Me and my husband had waited so long and we would be the perfect parents. But my son didn't make it. And for a while many of those around me would question and insinuate that something I must have done caused his death. I think my mother-n-law still believes that I caused it. I prayed and God answered me and I knew that some day soon I would learn the reason I had to lose my child. Now almost two years later I can see how God took a tragic situation and used it to help mold two of his own into the people he would have us be. I have seen such an "awful" thing touch so many lives and brought about little miracles. This thing that happened to you doesn't mean that you are doing something wrong. Look at Job. God took everything from him, his family, his wealth and even his health to where Job was crying out to God to take his life -- and Job had done nothing. In the end, he was rewareded for his faith. You will be too if you learn from the pain that has entered your life and taken hold of your heart. Your not the first to doubt God Leli and you will not be the last -- look in your life and you will see him there. Listen to your heart- it will show you. You say that you are a youth leader -- Maybe yours is a lesson that you can teach them. Share your pain and remember all things that happen are good to those that love the Lord. God bless and my prayers are with you.
Emily