Posted by Theresa on November 11, 1998 at 20:39:55:
In Reply to: Looking for Healing, Forgiveness and Peace posted by What Kind of Fool Am I? on November 08, 1998 at 23:06:20:
Dear What Kind of Fool Am I?:
First of all, you are not a fool. He is the fool for doing something so hurtful against you and against God.
It is a very hard thing to go through. Some days the pain is almost unbearable. My first 4 or 5 months were extremely difficult. How long has it been since you found out?
Are you taking care of yourself? Are you doubting yourself? Wondering whether you are at fault? Having very low or no self worth? What is going on with you?
Are you seeking counseling? What is a retrouvaille weekend? If you are not seeing a counselor as a couple, I would recommend this. A counselor for both and for yourself at times is very necessary. If both of you are Christian, a Christian counselor is an incredible way to add insight to your journey. You get the practical ways to help your marriage, as well as what God wants for you and expects you to do.
Our counselor told me that at some point you have to start going through the motions (doing nice things, complementing him, writing a nice note, etc. even if the feelings aren't there. What happens is that as you keep going through the motions, the feelings tend to follow. I had an incredible amount of trouble wanting to do anything nice for or with him. However, when I started doing what the bible instructs, I did indeed start to see a change. In Luke 6:27-36 (especially verse 35) it says to pray for those that hurt you.....do good to them.... and your reward from heaven will be great. After I repeatedly prayed and meditated over these verses and when I started praying for my husband, I did notice a change. I believe the Lord blesses those that obey. I believed he helped me do nice things for my husband when I could not. I prayed and still pray everyday for my husband. I pray that God will continue to draw my husband to him, that he will continue to strengthen my husband spiritually, and that he will help my husband resist temptation in any form, and that God would continue to strengthen our marriage. Prayer is a powerful thing. God really does bless you when you obey.
Another verse that helped me is Colossians 3, and Romans 8:38-39. It also helped to look up self-worth in the back of my bible and read all of the scripture that related to that. Our self worth should be rooted in God, not in relationships. That is where I made my mistake.
In Matthew, chapter 5, verse 31-32, it seemed to support the view that one should get a divorce when adultery occurs, however, the bible notes for that scripture said this:
"Divorce is as hurtful and destructive today as in Jesus' day. God intends marriage to be a lifetime commitment. When entering into marriage, people should never consider divorce an option for solving problems or a way out of a relationship that seems dead. In these verses, Jesus is also attacking those who purposefully abuse the marriage contract, using divorce to saitisfy their lustful desire to marry someone else. Are your actions today helping your marriage grow stronger or are you tearing it apart?
Jesus said that divorce is not permissable except for unfaithfulness. This does not mean that divorce should automatically occur when a spouse commits adultery. The word translated "unfaithful" implies a sexually immoral life-style, not a confessed and repented act of adultery. Those who discover that their partner has been unfaithful should first make every effort to forgive, reconscile, and restore their relationship. We are always to look for reasons to restore the marriage relaitonip rather than for excuses to leave it."
The bible I use is the Life Application (the New Living Translation). I would recommend it if you have trouble understanding scripture and it also applies it directly to our lives today. I would recommend it to anyone.
God bless you and please know that you are loved by so many. Many have walked in your shoes and we have lived through it. My husband and I have grown very close and while what happened is still painful, it does not cause tears or depression like it used to. It will get better. Pray to our Lord to help you get through this and most importanly to help you forgive him. You need the Lord's help.....you cannot do it without him. This is one of those times that God uses to draw you to himself. Use this time wisely and he will not fail you.
God bless you,
Theresa