Posted by Doug Showalter on August 28, 1998 at 00:04:51:
In Reply to: Devasted and Growing posted by CGW on August 14, 1998 at 12:22:19:
Dear Clint,
It is clear that you and your fiance have been through a lot--almost more than I can fathom, based on my own personal experiences. I give you both a great deal of credit for facing your addictions and fighting them.
It seems clear that the dynamic of a couple, both of whom have addiction problems, can be very complex with numerous "see-saw" effects that are a particular challenge to bring under control.
I believe I see a considerable measure of hope in your message, concerning your future with your fiance. I would encourage you to hang onto that hope, and nurture it, day by day. To the best of your ability, "let the past be the past," recognizing, as you say, that "I know that if she was clean this would have never happened."
As I have said many times on this web site, I fully believe that couples can rebuild their relationships, even after an affair, if they are really committed to each other and if they are really willing to work on their relationship together--and sometimes with professional help, when that seems indicated.
I would encourage you to go at it day by day. Look at the other pages on my forgiveness web site, if you haven't had a chance to already. Make a conscious decision to go on your own "personal journey of forgiveness," and always trust that God will go with you on that journey.
Best wishes to you both. I certainly would encourage you both to receive counseling--if you are not presently.
I will keep you both in my prayers,
Doug Showalter