cannot forget

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Posted by POBrien on May 01, 1998 at 00:24:07:

March of 1998 I found out my husband, who I loved very much, was having an affair with a co-worker who was young enough to be his daughter. I had suspected the affair but could not get my hands on it (evidence to confront him) The more this affair went on the more my self dignity, esteem, and identity diminished. We have two beautiful daughters. I could not understand why he was doing this to our family. During this messy affair, I saw his manners, personality habits change dramatically. He was drinking way to much, abusing me verbally, and abandoning for hours of the day. The paramour of choice began harrassing me and my two little girls by coming by drunk and quite manic....only to stall my suspicion.

Finally, I had the balls to plant a tape recorder in the passenger seat of our car. That was a Friday night, I remember, because he was planning to go out "somewhere" without me. I got my answer on tape and really took it hard. I nearly went crazy. I felt so helpless, insecure and defeated. I asked him to leave the house for awhile to think things out for himself. I needed to cool down for the sake of our children. I arranged him to live with a FRIEND for atleast two weeks and we would meet again and try to work something out among ourselves. What he said to me," I love you and want to stay married to you, but I cannot guarantee that I am going to give her up". He left and never came back. It turned out he drove right past the friends house he was supposed to live with; he kept going straight to the girlfriends.

Life is a mess. Everyday it is hard for me, my two loving daughters and surrounding family. It is not easy to see or even acknowledge this happened. I don't think I ever will.

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