Posted by Doug Showalter on March 07, 1998 at 08:32:29:
In Reply to: the worst mistake of my life, but i ask for forgiveness posted by Jeremy on March 05, 1998 at 09:45:14:
Dear Jeremy,
My overall impression from your message is that you are being much too hard on yourself.
FIRST, as you say, you did not understand how much your friend really cares for you. For you, that hadn't been established, so you felt free to be with another person. I think that is understandable. It's possible that your friend may bear some responsibility in your present situation for not communicating her true feelings to you.
SECOND, you say "the sin I committed is deserving of the worst punishment." With all due respect, I have to tell you that I don't believe that at all. As you now realize--with your new knowledge about your friend and your own feelings towards her--your becoming physical with another person was a mistake. But, perhaps you couldn't have known that before. Also, and I think this is important to mention, Jesus was much harder on sins of the heart [i.e. pride, insensitivity to those in need, etc.], than he was on sins of the flesh. Consider Jesus' kindness to the woman caught in adultery [John 8:2-11] and to Mary Magdalene who, according to tradition, had been a prostitute. Jesus did not condemn, but readily forgave the woman caught in adultery, and presumably he did the same with Mary.
Knowing what you now know, it is probably appropriate to acknowledge your mistake to your friend. But, I certainly hope that she will be understanding. In relationships, particularly ones that are just starting to grow, people sometimes do get their lines crossed up. The positive side of this is that, although very painful, this situation has gotten you both talking about your relationship openly--apparently, in a way that had not been happening before. If your friend is willing to let it happen, this "crisis" really could be the beginning of a renewal of your relationship and a deepening of your love for each other.
It is true that forgiving and forgetting are two different things. But, I would hope in this case, that your friend could forgive you, and chalk the memory of what you did up to experience--assuming that you would never let the same thing happen again.
You say your friend said, "The hand I want to hold has touched someone else." It occurs to me, that if everyone stuck hard-and-fast to that very idealistic attitude, as a reason for rejecting a serious love relationship with another person, there would be precious few marriages in our society today. Life usually isn't that ideal or simple--people usually need to make some compromises in order to keep on living and loving well.
Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
Doug Showalter