Posted by Jeremy on March 05, 1998 at 09:45:14:
My best friend Shari and I started dating in the past year, and the best times of my life have been with her. Well, our relationship never progressed to anything more and I thought we were just being friends. Now that I look back, I can see that she cared for me beyond what I could ever imagine. Even though I shared the feelings, and more so I thought, I could never tell how much she cared. I will not try to pass the blame, but I guess I felt lonely. My fault for not opening my eyes to what God had given me. At college, I was hanging out with a girl I graduated with. While in her room talking I touched her in a way not honoring to God. Plus, I hurt my relationship with Shari. I immediately repented and our Great Loving God forgave me as he promised to. I am thankful for that. Within the next week he really dealt with me, and I knew I had to tell Shari. I did, and we both are having a really hard time...now that I can see what I had before I messed up. I told her that I would deserve whatever she decided and I do, but I couldn't stand to lose her. She said two things that really tore me apart: "Forgiving and forgetting are two different things" and "The hand I want to hold has touched someone else." I know I deserve both, and both are true. We haven't talked for days now, and I hate myself for what I've done. Thoughts have come to me that scare me to death, and I even get physically sick at times. The sin I have commited is deserving of the worst punishment, but I hope that God will once again give me mercy and let Shari forgive me. She means more than anyone else in this world, and I would give anything for her, but I fell in an instant of sin. I have prayed countless times asking God to let me go back in time or to wake me up from this dream, but I know have to live with the pain of sinning against God and my best friend. God blessed me with her and I mistreated the gift he'd given. I can easily say that I have matured greatly over the past days, and now I have a deeper commitment to my walk with God, and I offer the same to Shari, if she would take it. I feel horrible, and I promise I have turned from this...and I have asked her to forgive me and take me back as the friend I long to be. Please, do you have any comments or ideas, or insights? I can't bear this much longer, and I know her pain must be worse.