Posted by Doug Showalter on March 05, 1998 at 23:52:12:
In Reply to: Re: Adultry, how can I forgive when I cant forget? posted by Robert Sheffield on February 26, 1998 at 10:12:44:
Dear Robert,
I am sorry for your very difficult situation and the pain you must now be feeling. Your message suggests that you and your family have many serious issues to work through, from the past as well as the present. I would strongly encourage all of you to receive professional counseling-- together or separately, as seems appropriate.
You obviously have a lot of love for your family, but sometimes love is not enough. Individuals also need insight into the feelings and behaviors of themselves and others--especially into feelings and behaviors which are negative and hurtful.
You say, "I have to stay regardless of how I feel." I would worry that such a denial of yourself would ultimately backfire on you, embittering your spirit and/or undermining your relationships. This is all the more reason to seek counseling--to deal with your feelings directly, so negative feelings can be resolved and you can eventually find as much inner peace as possible in your situation. I believe that God can, and often does, work through trained counselors, as well as through clergy, doctors, etc.
You may never totally forget that your wife betrayed you at this time. But, in time and with help from God and other people, you may be able to find enough inner healing, so the deep pain you now associate with that memory, won't continue to come rushing back at you.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. If you haven't done this already, I would encourage you to look at some of the other answers I have given on this message board, especially to other people who have also been betrayed their spouses. I truly believe there can be hope, and that a new beginning can be possible for a couple.
Doug Showalter