Posted by matt on December 30, 1998 at 12:39:02:
I betrayed my girlfriend after 4 and half years together. I did it because I was sure that she was tired of me and next to leave me. It was a desperation act, I didn't want to feel abandoned. It was horrible, too, and I am experiencing the worse emotions I ever did.
I love her. I don't think I could be ever happy again if I lose her. I feel sorry for the pain I gave her. It was a single nevrotic act and immediately I felt sorry and guilty and told her the day after.
She doesn't want to hear nothing from me. She doesn't wamt to see me anymore. Her family hates me , too. They told me that I am horrible and to stay away from her.
I would like to explain her that I didn't feel anything at all during the act but shame. That all I want is her. I would like to tell her that I did it because I was sure she had another relationship with a boy she met a few months ago and who she never wanted me to know. I was suspicious. She kept telling me : 'don't worry, he is only a friend' but she was always telling good things about him and bad about me.
I felt refused. Every time we had an argument she would go away and then go out with other people.
Often she would see him.
I feel very very bad. I would like to explain her
and ask her forgiveness. She doesn't want to listen to me anymore...