Posted by Theresa on December 05, 1998 at 22:54:28:
In Reply to: MY wife cheated! How do i deal with the pain posted by Bill on December 05, 1998 at 15:56:35:
Dear Bill:
I'm very sorry about what happened. Yes, it is a very intense and deep pain. My husband cheated on me for about 1 1/2 months, confessed six years after the fact, but it still hurts as if it just happened.
It sounds as if this is a fairly recent situation. I would suggest that you both see a marriage counselor (together and separately if you need to). My husband and I saw a Christian marriage counselor, which is incredibly beneficial if you are Christian. Half the time we saw her as a couple and then when I needed to air some things that had been on my chest and going through my mind, (like the images and pictures you talked about) and the anger was and still is one of the hardest things to deal with. I also have trouble with "understanding" the why. I just cannot figure it out. Don't think I ever will. One thing I learned about through counseling is that it usually is more about the other person than you. I blamed myself a lot...thinking I must have been awful for him to do that. But, it is much more complicated than that.
Is your wife doing the 3 r's?
How is your self esteem? Self worth?
These are the things that helped me most. Praying and reading the bible, not listening to the radio (only listened to talk radio, Christian radio or oldies), counseling, talking to a trusted friend(s), and I pampered myself.
It does become easier as time goes on. The pain isn't anywhere near as bad as it used to be. I've known for 9 months now. The first 4 months were hell. After that I began to see improvement.
I really saw improvement when I began reading Luke 6. The verse that talks about praying for those that hurt you. Loving your enemies. When I started praying for my husband I saw changes taking place that my scientific mind could not explain and I experienced a strength that I cannot understand. I know that God was walking and carrying me through those tough days. I can't explain it, I just know that when you obey God's word, it works, he blesses you.
Good luck, Bill. Hang in there and know that you are being thought about and prayed for.
Theresa