Posted by Sandra on February 17, 1998 at 19:45:23:
In Reply to: Guilty for standing up for myself, why? posted by Marion on February 07, 1998 at 14:30:15:
Dear Marion,
Doug really hit the nail on the head about standing up for your space. Doing it in a manner that is respectful to both yourself and the other people is the key. You first have to respect your own space and be willing to guard it. You also want to respect other people's space in how you respond. I believe all you were trying to do was to practice being more in control of a situation (since you were supposed to be training them) and to achieve the desired result you simply needed to get their attention.
You would not have achieved your status as supervisor if you had not already shown ability as a Supervisor. Anyone doesn't achieve that status so focus on your strengths. We all have strong areas and weak areas. Our goal is to strengthen both.
One other key factor here that might be important to you is "Are you forgiving yourself?"
If you were a little strong in your response, don't worry. When you first begin to use a little "assertiveness" in your position it will feel awkward. It is like doing anything new such as skiing, riding a horse, running, baking a cake. It will take practice and you will get better. Be patient with yourself and keep practicing. There are a lot of books on this topic that would probably be very helpful for you.
Being able to forgive yourself is what I believe Jesus teaches us. He teaches us by showing us how to forgive others. I had to practice by forgiving others first. I was doing such a good job at it that it became very graphic that the only person I was judgmental to was myself. It made me laugh to realize how hard I was on myself when I was being so understanding of others. When Jesus teaches us to be forgiving, he did not intend for us to leave ourselves out.
Keep working on the approach. You will get the hang of it and you will be building your confidence every day. Most importantly, forgive yourself!
Best of luck,
Sandra