Posted by Doug Showalter on November 12, 1998 at 09:16:28:
In Reply to: betrayed over and over posted by Vicki on November 07, 1998 at 11:56:37:
Dear Vicki,
I am so sorry for your situation. As you describe it, you try so hard to do the right thing, but then have often found yourself let down by others you trusted.
I would say that the first thing you need to do is be good to yourself. In regard to Pam's situation, don't expect too much of yourself too fast. You may need to be direct with her, to tell her you are confused about your feelings about her situation, that you need time to sort things out about it, that she should seek the emotional support she needs from the prison chaplain and others. You don't have to abandon her, but, on the other hand, you also don't have to feel that you are the only person who can rescue her in her pain.
As you describe it, it sounds as though you are still grieving your own broken relationship. That grieving is a priority for you, which you shouldn't try to ignore. Again, be good to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the time you need.
Also, I would encourage you to reach out to others. Don't try to carry all this pain alone. Seek out a minister with whom you can meet face-to-face. Otherwise, consider going to a professional counselor who can help you sort through some of your feelings. I can well understand why you may overwhelmed at the moment. For one thing, it's never easy to be involved in a criminal situation. Also, your friend has now put you in the situation of your being torn between your sense of loyalty to her as a friend and your moral judgment that what she did was immoral. To be thrust by another into such a stiuation of inner conflict is very painful, but have faith that you will eventually sort things out for yourself--so you will know how you can deal with her and with your own feelings comfortably.
I will keep you in my prayers,
Doug Showalter