Posted by Theresa on November 02, 1998 at 11:19:02:
In Reply to: I'm scared!!! posted by Broken Hearted on November 02, 1998 at 01:06:32:
Dear Brokenhearted:
I'm so sorry about the pain you are in. I've been there as well
and it will and does get better. For right now, you need to find
out, through counseling...Christian counseling would be best, if you
and your husband are Christian. Anyway, you need to find out what
is going on. It is not hopeless. My guess is that this affair is
more about him....his needs are not being met and it is very possible
that some of his needs stem from some real big insecurities. Counseling
will provide some of these answers if he is willing to go.
My self worth plummeted as well, when I found out about his affair. In our
case, he confessed about an affair that had taken place almost seven years
earlier. The pain still came and my self worth was near zero. I'm working
on it. It helps to stay away from TV, movies, videos, and rock and roll
songs. If you have to listen to radio, listen to oldies or Christian. This
helps a lot. Be good to yourself. Buy yourself a new outfit or two (don't go
crazy). Get your favorite breakfast food and a cup of tea or favorite coffee.
Just pamper yourself for a while. It eases the pain. It will not take it away, but
it helps. Remember, that your real self worth comes from knowing that God made you
and he believes that you have worth. Even at your worst, you are beautiful to Him.
Go to the library and get out books about affairs and self worth. And above all else,
the most important thing for you to be doing is praying. I noticed an incredible amount
of change in our relationship when read Luke 6:27-36, and then started doing what it said.
(praying for those that wrong you or hurt you) I don't understand how it works. I have
been a scientist by profession, facts and being able to prove things mean a lot to me. But
I would say that within the past two years, my faith is growing and I'm starting to do what
the bible commands instead of pour over it and think about it. Once you start doing what
the Lord wants you to do, he blesses you in some way. And I am certain that he began to bless
my marriage when I started praying for my husband. Like I said, I don't understand it, but
I know that I am not forgiving him on my own. The Lord is helping me do it. And I am so awed and
grateful for what he is doing. It is annoying too, because I just want to understand how God
works. And I don't think that's what he wants. He just wants us to listen and obey.
These days will be dark. Know that you have people thinking of you and praying for you. I hope
that your husband will seek counseling with you. If he does not, get it for yourself. This affair
is not about you, 100%. You might have done certain things that may have contributed to his
behavior, but the bottom line is this. He is responsible for the choice he made. He could have sought
many other pathways to a solution and he chose to be selfish and get involved with another person. I know
it hurts. It is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. But hang in there. It will get better.
And pray...pray like you've never prayed before. It will help.
God bless you!
Theresa