Posted by Doug Showalter on August 27, 1998 at 08:37:30:
In Reply to: Adultry after 4 months of marriage posted by Christi on August 24, 1998 at 14:15:38:
Dear Christi,
You make many valid points in your message. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. You, and you alone, have to decide what you are willing to tolerate. And, I will say that adultery after four months is a startling betrayal of the good faith and hopes for the future which, apparently, you entered your marriage with.
HOWEVER, you might want to consider this. Whatever decision you finally arrive at, you probably will want it to be one which you won't look back on in years to come with regret, wondering, if only I had...
Here's what I mean. You say you love your husband. You say he wants to make it work with you. You say you are scheduled to go to couples counseling.
You have to make your own decision, of course. But I think I would encourage you to consider hanging in there, until you see where this path leads. Of course, that could entail risking more hurt.
Your husband could be right. Of course, his behavior was reprehensible, and he is responsible for his behavior, without excuse. But it is possible that there are some issues in his personal life which have prevented him from being the kind of faithful husband you deserve. If he resolves those issues, and if the two of you work on your marriage together, then it may be possible that your marriage will succeed--despite this terrible beginning.
I know it's a tough decision to hang in there, given what you have been through. But it is possible that you owe it to YOURSELF to make that decision, at least at this juncture, so you won't have regrets later. Of course, making the decision to continue in the marriage is a risk. But it's also a risk if you make the opposite decision.
And yes, I agree with you. Being a Christian, in and of itself alone, is not a guarantee that one is moral. As well as bear the name, we also have to strive to live the life. Over the years, I've learned to evaluate people, not by what they say or claim about themselves, but by what they actually do.
Best wishes, and I will keep you in my prayers,
Doug Showalter