Posted by Christi on August 24, 1998 at 14:15:38:
My husband and I had a civil ceremony in January. We were planning a religious ceremony for July. In late April we were separated by a job transfer. In June I discovered he was having an affair. Needless to say, the church wedding did not happen. He says that issues from his childhood prevented him from knowing what a "real man" is. He recently went to the Lord and got re-baptized. He is seeing a counselor and visits me twice a month where we are soon to begin couples counseling.
My dilemmas are these: No matter how messed up his childhood was, adults know right from wrong and that is no excuse for his behavior. How can I believe that he has really changed? There are plenty of people out there who claim to be religious or to have the Lord in their life and are still immoral. We were only married 4 months (7 now) so I feel like we've got nothing invested in this sham of a marriage and I've got nothing to lose by divorcing him and starting again (I'm only 23) Why stay in a marriage that has been tainted and destroyed so early on? That infidelity and lack of trust will always haunt our relationship.
I do love everything about him EXCEPT that I can't trust him. I did get married for forever, but he obviously did not. NOW he wants me back, realizes how much he stands to lose, etc., but what if he is just wanting me to forgive him so that he can feel like he did nothing wrong? Where does the Christian draw the line between "turning the other cheek" and protecting herself from further hurt? This is not the first time he's lied to me, but it is the first time he has made such big changes in his life. How do I determine if he is serious this time, or if this is another episode of him lying?
PLEASE help me understand how a Christian woman can take care of herself in the face of deceitful men. I am very confused!