Posted by Doug Showalter on June 16, 1998 at 16:47:09:
In Reply to: I am not a whore. posted by Julia H. on June 15, 1998 at 01:17:56:
Dear Julia,
It sounds as though you have been through a lot. I am sorry for your pain, and the apparent pain of your family.
The best advice I can give is to encourage you to seek professional counseling. From what you say, it sounds as though you have many issues to deal with which are working against your being the person you would like to be--including, possibly, problems related to your consumption of alcohol.
You cannot control your husband's feelings toward you--as much as you might wish to. However, you can take steps to change your own life, which may or may not have a positive effect on your husband's view of your relationship together.
Based on your remarks, and the title of your message, I would guess that your self-esteem has taken quite a beating in the process you have been through. But it doesn't have to stay that way, if you take constructive steps to get help from others qualified to assist you.
Instead of trying desperately to recreate the old chapter--which none of us can do, because we cannot turn back the clock--consciously work on beginning a brand new chapter in your life. A new chapter in which you will have more insight about yourself. A new chapter which will be good and personally satisfying for you, perhaps even for the rest of your life.
You don't have to carry your pain and anxieties alone, or helplessly spin your wheels in a situation that frightens, bewilders, or frustrates you. Trust that others can help you, if you reach out to them, and trust that God will be with you and see you through, no matter what.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Doug Showalter