Posted by Julia H. on June 15, 1998 at 01:17:56:
My name is Julia. I am married to the most wonderfull, supportive and patient man on earth. I love him more than life. We have four children and he is the best father imaginable. When our baby was born, I began to become restless. I am well educated, ambitious and need challenges. My husband found me a job on his newspaper. I was a proof reader and it was boring. When another position opened up, my husband helped me get the job. It is selling advertisement for the paper. In this job, I must leave my office and go where business owners, CEO's and managers are. Sometimes, this is in their offices, sometimes at conventions, hotels, motels, parties and even homes. During one of these meetings, I met a man who was the opposite of my husband. Where my husband is the quiet, methodical, intellectual type. This man was loud, laughing, smiling, telling jokes and a complete extrovert. I made a mistake. We had an affair. I was so ashamed that I could not tell my husband. I knew it would kill him inside. He found out anyway and it led to our divorce. I tried a crazy marriage to this man that only lasted two months plus and I realized my mistake. I love my husband. We terminated this mistake and I came back to my husband. He and I make love nearly every weekend at least one night. At my job, I sometimes drink too much to patronize and have made some lulu mistakes. I realize that now. Lately my husband ignores me. Before long, my boss is retiring and I will probably get his job. I will be in the office instead of out there in the field. I will instead send others to do what I now do. I DO love my husband and I know he loves me. I am no longer a stupid little girl. This last few weeks have sobered me. He is now withholding his love from me and I feel as though I am dying inside. I am at the point now where I cannot think straight. How do I convince him that I am now ready for a full committment to our marriage? How do I convince him that he can trust me now? I pray constantly now, cry all the time, can't sleep, can't eat and he will not allow me to give him my love. We went fishing today and he gave all his attention to the children and none to me. I have to hide my tears from him constantly. If I don't get him, my marriage and my children back I will have lost everything in this world worth anything. Please help me think of a way to get our love back to where it was. I AM NOT that stupid little girl I was. I have learned from my mistakes and can promise not to repeat them. Please help me. I am desparate. God, I'm going to lose everything!