Forgive & forget Him and Her

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Posted by Jane on April 23, 1998 at 19:03:52:

Well, I just poured out my heart in response to a message re: the other woman. As I indicated there, I am new at the net and am not sure if I did it right.

So, because I so need help so badly, I am going to try this again from the beginning.

Six months ago I found out my husband of 16 years was having an affair with a woman he works with. This is a woman I actually new before my husband did. She is recently divorced and I new that she was actively looking for a replacement husband as we have been in social setting together. I always liked her. I sent her gifts (she was the secretary in my husband's office) and often did favors for my children and, of course, my husband (more than I was aware).

Once I found out, the affair ended. My husband was quite straight forward with her. The last six months have been hell but with the help of God, my priest, our family and friends, counseling and a husband who at least appears sincere, we are doing well. In fact, when I'm having a good day, we are happier than we have ever been together. But, the bad days. Today is one of them. I have cryed uncontrolably off and on all day (even while at work).

On good days, I feel very much at peace with my husband and the other woman. In the beginning, I did confront the other woman. I told her to stay away from my husband. I calld her house and hung up many times and lastly, I sent her dead roses with the following note: "roses are dead; leaves in a rut; I thought you a friend; but you're just a slut." All of that caused her to obtain a restraining order against me. I fought it with the help of my bosses (lawyers) and won at least enought to be able to go to my husband's place of employment. That was all I really cared about.

Her birthday is this coming sunday and I've purchased a card for her. I wrote her a long note asking for us to at least be amicable toward each other. I have called, sent a gift and cards previously to no avail. she is mean and very hateful toward me. Why? What did I do? Why do I feel compelled to make friends with her again. I hate that she hates me. My friends find me to be a very kind and caring person. A very giving person. Should I send the card?

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