Posted by Mike :-D on December 27, 1998 at 12:57:09:
In Reply to: Re: Forgiveness needed to break the cycle posted by Doug Showalter on December 27, 1998 at 07:57:44:
I thank you for you response. I will read your sermon. There is one thing that I failed to mention. I have been in extensive therapy for the last 4 years. Much of my anger has been defused. One of the things that my therapist has been having me exercise is-- Treating my children as I would have wanted to be treated or brought up. That has worked wonders in defusing much of damaging reactions that I have had. It causes me to picture my parents in a different light, and to see my children from their perspective. Better yet, from God's perspective. They are a heritage left to me. How they turn out, is the legacy that I leave. The children and I have talked about how I treated them, and the contrast today. There are some other issues we still have to work out. Much of which is still surfacing.
As far as the criminal aspect: To my soul-searching knowledge, I don't recall ever sexually abusing them. As for the physical and psychological abuse, it was agreed upon by my wife and I that I not live there. Over a period of time, my progress can be re-evaluated.
Much of what has happened to me, and the connection with the abuse that I had administered to my wife and children has been brought to the surface by seeing through my own denial, and admissions from the victims. I have accepted the responsablity for each one that is mine to own; greived for those issues that weren't my own (or as my therapist says, 'those things that are not on my plate to eat'); and without justification or defense make restitiution. I seek change not for quick entry back into their loving acceptance. I do this for my relationship to God. I couldn't live with myself if this cycle went on, and I didn't do anything to stop it. My children have not had a decent father, and male role model. I don't seek a quick fix just to move back in with them. In whatever capacity that God is willing to use me at this point, that is the path that I need to go. I appreciate your help so far. Maybe more of what is going on I can share. Right now there is just so much to old past to weed through. I couldn't cover it in one simple post.
Thanks for the prayers,
Mike :-D>