Posted by Emily on December 23, 1998 at 03:17:32:
In Reply to: Re: Hello, Emily posted by Theresa on December 22, 1998 at 12:51:56:
T,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you that's for sure. I know that when I found this board a few months back and you first answered my e-mail that I found a life preserver. Someone to talk to about this whole mess without admitting that I thought that my marriage was falling apart. Someone else who wouldn't think that I was an utter fool for trying to make things work but that actually supported my decision to stay in my marriage and honor my vows. I know that we are not the first women or the last to go thru this kind of thing. Adultry has existed since the beginning and unfortunately it will be here long after us. I think that once we get past thinking that this is the most tragic thing that has ever happened to us that there will be nothing we can't handle.
I remember thinking at my infant son's funneral that losing him had to be the most awful pain in the entire world and that It would never quit hurting. Now I still miss my son and I know his face is the first I want to see when I get to heaven but the pain has gotten easier to bear. Not so much that the pain has gotten less but my ability to handle it has increased.
Two weeks after we lost our son my husband confessed his adultry. At that moment I thought again that my heart could not possibly take that much hurt -- but here I am a year and half later -- surviving, living, smiling when I can and above all else having faith that the Lord will care for me and tomorrow will be better. The result is that my spirit grows stronger and wiser too. Most people are suprised to learn that I am so young - often they say I am wise beyond my years. Wisdom comes at a price. We humans don't learn much when everything is perfect. If I had all the money, time, and love in the world I wouldn't have much reason to turn my life over to the Lord. I wouldn't learn things like forgiveness, humility, honor, and unconditional love ---- I also could never teach them. I know through this hole ordeal I have become something better. I know too that through my devotion and faith I have finally shown my husband what uncondiontal love is. Up to now he never trully knew. This has been such a learning experience for the both of us.
I found the following parable of the butterfly on the internet and It made a lot of sense to me ... hope it touches a spot with you.
Life's Struggles
"A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. It just seemed to be stuck. Then the man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was the way of forcing fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of the struggle, he deprived the moth of health.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets. Struggles are the training ground for a rich life."
-author unknown..
Sometimes if you look real close you can see your wings forming "T". Instead of praying and asking God why-- we should realize that sometimes he has to let us hurt a little so that we will get our wings. Fill your heart with good memories on this special Christmas day. Talk to you soon. God bless and lots of hugs.
Emily