Posted by Doug Showalter on October 10, 1998 at 13:03:31:
In Reply to: I can't forgive******HELP! posted by Broken Hearted on October 02, 1998 at 01:58:49:
Dear Broken Hearted,
I am sorry for your great pain. I would encourage you to be very gentle with yourself in this period of time. It is clear that you still have a lot of sorting out to do, including your concern about having received a sexually transmitted disease, and the possibility of having also contracted HIV.
In this period of time, as you are still assessing the damage done to you by your husband's infidelity, I would imagine that forgiving is hardly possible in a real heart-felt way. So don't try to expect that of yourself, at the moment. In this period, I would encourage you to take your life day-by-day, finding as much good as you can for yourself in each day, knowing and trusting that God is always with you to support you and help you in the dark valley you are now passing through.
I would also encourage you to seek out professional counseling. Let someone else help you, in a face-to-face relationship of therapy. Don't try to carry this burden by just yourself alone. You may choose to attend counseling alone, or your husband may be willing, at your invitation, to accompany you.
I would also encourage you not to make any far-reaching, negative decisions about your relationship with your husband at the moment. As you can, keep open to him, talk about your relationship and situation with him. Recognize that after the HIV report is received, you likely will be in a much better position to talk about the future. Recognize also, that in this present moment of shock and pain you are likely in a kind of personal wilderness, which is going to take time to pass through. Again, I would encourage you to be very gentle on yourself. Don't expect too much from yourself too fast.
I will keep you in my prayers,
Doug Showalter