Re: forgiveness of yourself


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Posted by Doug Showalter on October 04, 1998 at 08:04:07:

In Reply to: forgiveness of yourself posted by Melanie on October 01, 1998 at 09:01:48:

Dear Melanie,

It is difficult to respond to your request, because you don't give any specifics about situations in which you are hard on yourself. Nonetheless, I will try to give some basic responses.

There is a rational component to self-forgiveness which involves ascertaining in any given situation, if one has truly done something that needs to be forgiven.

Our perspective on this can sometimes be quite blurred or inaccurate if we don't examine each situation carefully. For example, we can be exagerrating the wrong we did in a particular situation, far beyond what is appropriate to the actual facts--and not even realize it, at least at first. Also, we can be blaming ourselves for something that was really not under our control at all, yet we still have some guilt concerning it.

In self-forgiveness it is important to look at each situation and determine if the responsibility we feel for that situation is really accurate. [Our feelings can be misguided.] If it isn't accurate to the facts, we should, in fairness to ourselves, give ourselves permission to revise our thinking and feelings about it, and to stop blaming ourselves for it.

Another point I would make has to do with faith. I think it is important for Christians to really come to an in depth, heart understanding of God's power and willingness to forgive them for the wrong they have done, if they repent. God is so loving and so very forgiving. And such forgiveness from God can be so freeing. If a person sincerely repents and truly believes deep in their heart that God has forgiven them, then that person should be better equipped to forgive themselves.

However, if deep in their heart a person really believes in a punitive, usually non-forgiving god, then I would imagine that self-forgiveness would be all that much harder for that person to do. Yet, fortunately, the wonderful good news for Christians, is that our God is very forgiving, very eager and watching to receive the repentant prodigal home.

I hope this is of some help.

Doug Showalter


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