Posted by Doug Showalter on September 12, 1998 at 21:10:00:
In Reply to: Re: Hi, my 2 cents worth- posted by nameless on September 10, 1998 at 14:14:49:
Dear nameless,
I'd like to respond to your comment about God hating divorce. Virtually every divorced person I have ever known has felt at least some sense of personal failure because of their divorce--regardless of whether it was their spouse or they themselves who initiated the divorce. Divorce is not pleasant. It is breaking a vow.
However, having said that I'd like to go on to say that we human beings are not perfect. We can reach for the ideal, but there are often times when we can not maintain the ideal. In my belief, it is particularly at such times, when we fail to live up to our ideals, that God can be especially close to us, forgiving us for our failure, and seeking to uphold us in spite of it.
I am a Christian minister who believes that divorce is sometimes very necessary, as sad as that is. There are instances in which marriage relationships become irreconcilable, or they become so abusive that it's not even healthy or safe for a person to stay in them. When this happens, and people "call a spade a spade" and terminate their marriage, I truly believe that God understands.
Without a doubt, it's possible that some individuals who get divorces today have not tried hard enough to make their marriages work. But based on my experiences, I am inclined to say that that does not describe most people in that situation. Divorce isn't just an easy way out. It usually causes people a great deal of personal pain. For one thing, they have to admit that the hopes and dreams they once had are now broken.
Edgar Lee Masters in his "Spoon River Anthology" has an insightful poem on this subject. If you aren't familiar with that work, I would note that its poems represent dead people who are looking back upon their earthly lives.
One poem is by a mother, who recalls that she and her husband stayed married because the minister told them that they should, for the sake of their children--and probably also to please God.
As this mother goes on to say--reminiscing--her decision to follow her minister's advice really was misguided. For, she and her husband had no love for each other. Thus, the climate of their home really was a terrible one for children to grow up in. As she said, with their loveless home, it was as though her children were plants trying to grow up underneath rocks. Deprived of sunlight, plants under rocks grow up all sickly and yellow. And so it was in a spiritual and emotional sense with her children.
Because of this negative effect on her children, this woman now deeply regretted ever having listened to her minister's pious, but terribly unrealistic--and ultimately uncompassionate--advice.
That poem really spoke to me. I grew up in a home which eventually became torn by almost constant arguing. I can remember what peace there was when my parents finally stopped trying to live together and headed towards a divorce--which they ultimately got.
Yes, I really do believe that divorce is necessary sometimes, as regrettable as that is. Divorce is sometimes the lesser of two evils. And I cannot believe that God would ever want children to suffer, just for the sake of keeping an abusive marriage relationship going.
Those are my thoughts. I hope they are helpful.
Doug Showalter