Posted by Connecticut on August 29, 1998 at 16:49:28:
In Reply to: Re: The other parties hurt too. posted by Dee on August 25, 1998 at 21:33:23:
I was involved in a 7 year relationship with a man who constantly cheated on me. By the time I gave up the relationship, I had lost all belief in love, marriage, trust. The next man that I met happened to be a married man. His openess to hanging out with me reinforced my already warped feelings about love, marriage and trust. I thought, "They are all the same, so why should I continue to be a good girl and get hurt all the time". .
I continued spend time with him - part of it is that I was so emotionally beat up from the previous relationship that I would have taken support from just about anyone who was willing to give it.
After about a year and a half he made the decision to leave his family. He assured me that his decision had nothing to do with me. He said that he and his wife had grown way apart over the years and that was his only reason for leaving. He rented an apartment and I continued to see him. Our first child came 3 years later. We moved in together 9 months later, got married last year (7 years later)..
I admit that I must have wanted to believe that his decision to leave his family had nothing to do with me, I am not so sure of that today.
As the other woman, I have endured years of guilt about my decision to date and hang out with a married man. The fact that he had divorced his ex on paper only, but had not done the emotional work made life very miserable for me as well. I felt pretty second class the whole time. He finally made a real commitment to our relationship last year.
To this day, I find it hard to forgive myself. I have asked his ex-wife for forgiveness, she still blames me for the breakup of her marriage. It took me a long time to agree with her that I may have been the straw that broke their marriage's back.
I can't make excuses for my actions, but I can tell you than when people are down and out or are hurt by others, they can lose faith and turn away from their values. You can become hardened and believe that the world is as bad as your last experience.
Examine your life an see if there was a time when it happened to you and you'll find a way to forgive.
I am still asking for forgiveness.