Posted by Doug Showalter on January 13, 1998 at 05:10:45:
In Reply to: rejection posted by sharon on January 10, 1998 at 00:10:16:
Dear Sharon,
As I read your message, I thought of my own church. We too have been proud of our efforts to make it accessible. Yet, you make me realize that our altar-table is not. It's in a chancel about six stairs up. Over the centuries, altars have traditionally been placed on a level higher than the congregation, to symbolize God's majesty and heaven. Yet, unwittingly, that symbolism certainly works against accessibility.
I don't know your role with your church's former altar or the layout of the new one, but these questions occur to me:
--Before the service, could someone help get you and your wheel chair up to the altar level, so you could still participate there?
--Are there other ways in which you can have a meaningful part in the worship? For example, could you read scripture or lead prayers from the nave? Certainly, that's what we would encourage someone to do in our church--if they were physically unable to negotiate the steps up to the lectern or pulpit. Could you be a greeter at the door [an ambassador of Christ's love] as people enter or leave worship?
--You say your most valuable gift of service to your church and your God has been taken away from you. I'm guessing that likely you have many other gifts of service which you may not have discovered yet. As an experiment, would you be inclined to try some completely new ways of serving your church? Does your church have a Sunday School which could use some help? Are there parishioners confined to their homes or others who could use a caring telephone call?
--I would encourage you to have a "heart-to-heart" talk with one or more of your church's clergy, about your options for service to the church, also about your feelings at this time. Perhaps they can think of some special ways to be of help to you.
You say you feel "completely bound up in anger." Do you have people you can safely share those feelings of anger with? If you keep those feelings bottled up, it is harder to deal with them. Something you might want to consider is keeping a journal. You say your short term memory has been affected. A journal might be helpful, as a kind of surrogate "memory." It also might be a means by which you can express your feelings of anger.
Some communities have support groups for individuals who have suffered head injuries or who are dealing with other health problems. Are there such groups in your community, and would you visit them to see if one of them might be helpful to you? You may also wish to consider receiving one-on-one counseling, to assist you as you go through this difficult period of adjusting to and grieving for your recent loses. Of course, it is very hard for any of us to accept too many loses in our lives at once. Grieving usually takes time. But if we reach out to others who care, we don't have to carry that burden by ourselves alone.
From your message, it sounds like you have a strong faith in God. That's good. However, don't be afraid to express anger towards God, if that is what you are feeling. I certainly believe that God understands our suffering and is compassionate. I will keep you in my prayers, as you make this difficult passage to happier days ahead.
Doug Showalter