Posted by jenny on January 05, 1998 at 12:54:45:
In Reply to: Re: well-being posted by Doug Showalter on January 05, 1998 at 05:21:24:
thank you for your response. I have read in the Merck Manual, and in everything else I can find, anything there on the subject. I have also talked with my Dr about it. She tells me there is no connection, but I'm not convinced. It's not that I think it is my *fault* -- it's more that I think I set myself up for it, along with genetic factors. My mother was extrememly abusive, physically & emotionally. and, of course, she always told me it was my fault, that it was because I was bad. I don't hate her for it, she was mentally ill, and I think she did the best she could. but I think I still carry the feeling that i must be bad. That's not my *belief*, but it's buried there somewhere. and I think that gets mixed in with the physical symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis, etc. I often have to fight suicidal thoughts, and it seems that this disease could be just another manifestation of that self-destructive instinct.
sorry this is so long. I'd just like to add that this is not my *belief*. I believe in a loving God who created us in His image, and loves us and whose will is for health and wholeness.