Posted by The other cousin on June 27, 1998 at 01:42:05:
In Reply to: Re: Amazing Stories of Forgiveness posted by Dave Garlich on February 24, 1998 at 10:06:19:
My best friend (who was my cousin) and I were inseparable. We were so close, and it was a very spiritual relationship, discussing things together no one in our families were interested in. We were more than friends and yet different than family, it was like a relationship that twins have. We had our own language that the whole family could not understand, and they would not even try. But at 19 I was still naive!!! I had a boyfriend and we had plans to be married. My cousin and my boyfriend hated each other. No matter how I tried for 3 years I could not get them to be civil to each other. But...I loved them both. My boyfriend was a very "genourous" person. He used to buy me expensive trinkets and jewelry that I had no interest in. I would put them in my jewelry box and say "Thankyou, but you don't have to spend that much money..I Love You!!!" I didn't even wear gold or diamonds, I wore silver. My cousin thought I was crazy, because she was impressed with the "goldmine", but that didn't matter to me. Well eventually I found out my boyfriend was having an affair with another girl from our crowd. The absolute humiliation!!!! All my friends knew (not my cousin, she lived in a different state at that time). Well all our lives we spent every holiday and summers together. So being that I was devestated about the affair my cousin said "Let's get away...It will be good for you". I spent the entire summer spilling my guts, really unloading on her about how "torn" I was, that really I was devestated...But I really still loved him and was willing to give him another chance. I felt like a fool , but I felt I just needed some time. She told me I was being a fool. When we got home from our trip, I still needed time but he kept pushing, and pushing to get back together very aggressively.
I was pleading with him to give me some time and space...and then I'd be ok.
Well to make a long story,less long I found out they had been talking on the telephone behind my back all that summer...He was asking her to put in a good word for him..and she was telling him that it was a hopeless case and that I had no intentions of getting back with him, I was just stringing him along to torture him ,just as he had done to me. Needless to say they ended up together. My fiance and my cousin. He was my future husband and she was the sister I never had. Talk about being "Kicked When Down", first him, then her with him. I walked away from them both feeling that they deserved each other. Eventually through the years I would see him around (their relationship ended)and sometimes we would talk. His health was not good. My mom could not understand how I could speak with him but not with her. To me I was less disappointed with him than I was with her. I expected more from her. He was in bad health and he needed to have a heart transplant. I was very much in touch with him through this difficult time. My boyfriend had also stayed in contact with him , trying to give him moral support. He pulled through his surgery (Thank G-d).All through the years he would say "why don't you call your cousin?" I would tell him to mind his business. One day I received a call from him. He asked me if I was sitting down? He told me my cousin was dying (33 years old ) she had cancer and only a couple of months to live. It seemed like some nightmarish joke. I hung up the phone in shock and collapsed in my boyfriends arms. I knew I must go to her. The turn of events is just incredible. I called her , she was on her way to the airport, flying to N.Y. for treatment.I wanted to fly to NY to see her. But then she called me from NY and told me there was a brand new treatment she wanted to try that was out of the country. I told her not to give up hope, and do whatever in her heart she felt was right. After all the years (15 to be exact) I could still recognize the smile in her voice as she said "I knew you'd say that, I want you to go with me!" And I did . For the next several months I became her caretaker. Holding her hand through her treatments. Cleaning her when she became sick. During this time we had together(while we were out of the country) she confided to me she had been wondering about Jesus, which I thought was unusual because we were Jewish and we did not grow up knowing Him. I asked her if she wanted me to read from the bible to her and she told me "Oh yes I was praying for just that,how did you know???" Many people tell me that was the Holy Spirit moving me to ask her that when I had absolutely no belief, and reading the bible for me was the furthest thing from my mind. I started reading Luke, and read it all. She fell asleep peacefully that night , but I became restless for some spiritual nourishment of my own kind. So...I took the bible and thumbed through it till I found the New Testament, put my hand in there and told myself that I can read anything before that and I am in "My" bible and that's ok. I knew nothing about the bible so I closed my eyes and flipped through the pages and opened to any page in the Old Book. I started to read and it was Isaiah 54. I read it over and over in disbelief and kept checking to make sure that I was in the right book. Well that's when I upset my safe little world and realized that here was a story about Jesus in my bible. I could not believe it . I knew if more Jewish people saw that they would realize that. But you see even though the Old Testament is Jewish , most Traditional Jewish people don't read the bible...In temple they recite their passages in Hebrew as tradition, whether they understand or not.It turned out my cousin decided not to continue her treatments...she decided to put herself in G-d's hands. And I decided to stay and care for her.We came back to the states, but not home. We were in a peaceful place where it was easy to be inspired by His beautiful creations. One day she told me was going to miss me ...and I knew,she knew... I told her don't stay here on my account. I told her He was waiting on the other end to take her into his arms. She should not be afraid. She was so lucky for we knew just where she was going" I was holding her in my arms and she slipped away, she never took her eyes off mine. It was the most incredible intimate moment!!!! Taking care of her all those months.. knowing she could go at any moment..It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I was not prepared in the beginning for that..because she was trying to fight the disease. and I was there to support her in her decision. but then the realization kicked in... I was prepared, because from the very beginning it was a devine intervention. All those years I did not want to speak to her, that was my choice. When I realized she was dying , If I didn't go to her with a forgiving heart I may lose the chance, and then that would not be by choice.How would I have felt if she died and we never buried the hatchet??? I feel that He brought us together because we did not speak for 15 years.. but she ended up sharing her last breath with me. I am blessed. Because I feel only He knew how much love was there as children and how much pain there was as adults. It ruined my life for many years.I could not really move on from a fearful place. I did not have friends for many years, I didn't trust women. I never married, because I thought I'd get married once before and look what had happened with that boyfriend many years ago. I had a great guy all these years and was afraid to say "yes". After this whole experience with my cousin I would never be the same. I decided to say yes to the man who stood by me through the years, and through the many month's of this intense long distance experience .That was Sept. 4, 1995. January 27,1998 I had a son. He is named for my cousin. Forgiving my cousin did more for me ,than it ever could have done for her. This is my story of forgiveness.