Posted by Doug Showalter on April 16, 1998 at 09:53:36:
In Reply to: Re: he who is with out sin? posted by connie on April 15, 1998 at 23:02:24:
Dear Connie,
From your description it sounds like your relationship with your present church is a "toxic" one for you. I wonder, how can you hope to keep all that pain bottled up inside just you alone--especially if situations at the church which bring you pain just continue to happen? In my view, merely "stuffing" your pain is not going to enable you to forgive.
You say your family members are all content with your church. I would ask, have you shared your negative feelings about the church with them? Also, how does your husband feel about the church's decision about the shower? Does he believe the church board was right in rejecting the request for your daughter?
I understand your not wanting to hurt your daughter's feelings by telling her about the church's decision. But, is that really fair to her, particularly if some members of the church will now be discriminating against her [by refusing to come to the shower], and perhaps against her and her baby later, in other ways?
Your pain is a lot to carry alone. I would encourage you to share it, at least with those who are close to you. They may be able to help you get some perspective on it. Or, they may come to the realization that some changes need to be made, for the sake of your and everyone else's well being. [Perhaps another option, apart from leaving your church, is for you to become a member of your church board, where your voice and views can be heard, and where you can make a positive contribution.]
I think it is hard--if not impossible--to really forgive, if the offending party continues to wound one, and if one is not forthright with one's self and others about who needs to be forgiven and exactly for what. Good luck.
Doug Showalter